10.27.19....Emotional and Mental Chaos
The emotional and mental strain was discouraging. I didn't want to be so angry and frustrated, but I was.
The weekend of the miscarriage, my husband and two girls (8 and 6) were up north cutting down cedar trees and peeling them to dry to make a baby crib. Having to tell my two girls that they couldn't help build a crib because there was no baby was not something I could easily get over. It is March and the cedar trees are still drying out at my in-laws. It still hurts me.
I hid a lot of my feelings. I don't do well with expressing them and I needed to continue on with life. I was hurting but I couldn't let it stop my life. I had a husband, two girls, a job, family, etc that needed me. I couldn't dwell on it. I had to stay strong and positive. We can't dwell on the negative. We must accept and continue on. That is what I wanted to teach my girls. We are tough and need to always continue to move forward. On Monday, October 28, I was determined that I was never going to move on....I was not going to stop crying....I was going to be in a pit of anger and sadness forever. Give me about a week and a half and I was doing much better with all the support I had (as mentioned in previous post).
I have to admit that I turned to alcohol in a way. Adam and I bowl on a league every other Saturday night. I really started to let myself go. I have never been a big drinker. I want to wake up feeling fine was always my motto. After 10.27.19, I let that go. I still have my moments but have got over that stage.
Grief, pain, suffering...it is exhausting. I don't think I let that show; I couldn't. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me. I didn't and don't want the attention. Everyone has something going on, we just need to push through. We need to share our stories so others know they are not alone.
So much I could keep rambling about but will save for a later time.
~until next time~
AmyA
The weekend of the miscarriage, my husband and two girls (8 and 6) were up north cutting down cedar trees and peeling them to dry to make a baby crib. Having to tell my two girls that they couldn't help build a crib because there was no baby was not something I could easily get over. It is March and the cedar trees are still drying out at my in-laws. It still hurts me.
I hid a lot of my feelings. I don't do well with expressing them and I needed to continue on with life. I was hurting but I couldn't let it stop my life. I had a husband, two girls, a job, family, etc that needed me. I couldn't dwell on it. I had to stay strong and positive. We can't dwell on the negative. We must accept and continue on. That is what I wanted to teach my girls. We are tough and need to always continue to move forward. On Monday, October 28, I was determined that I was never going to move on....I was not going to stop crying....I was going to be in a pit of anger and sadness forever. Give me about a week and a half and I was doing much better with all the support I had (as mentioned in previous post).
I have to admit that I turned to alcohol in a way. Adam and I bowl on a league every other Saturday night. I really started to let myself go. I have never been a big drinker. I want to wake up feeling fine was always my motto. After 10.27.19, I let that go. I still have my moments but have got over that stage.
Grief, pain, suffering...it is exhausting. I don't think I let that show; I couldn't. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me. I didn't and don't want the attention. Everyone has something going on, we just need to push through. We need to share our stories so others know they are not alone.
So much I could keep rambling about but will save for a later time.
~until next time~
AmyA
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